And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
