whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
