just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize