I can text with my tongue
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
