My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
