I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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