worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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