Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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