I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
