Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
