a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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