Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
