just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
do herpes really smell.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
