K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it hurts more in the daytime
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
