You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
