I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
