i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize