Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Drake has all the answers
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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