The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So many bounce houses so little time
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize