$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
