i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
