bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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