He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
