this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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