So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
