possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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