wat bout pragnant strippers??
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My ass is underappreciated
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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