my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize