I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
