anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
