She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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