We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why do cheetos always look like penises
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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