coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
