Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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