He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
