I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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