Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
