I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
