You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I FOUND THE LEGS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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