he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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