friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize