So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
