Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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