At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize