dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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