nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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