every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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