We need to rekindle our bromance
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
