My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
