I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
