Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You pole danced in your parka.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
