I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am one with the molecules
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
