I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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