yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
