I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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