Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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