yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
