...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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