Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
