My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
