Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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