I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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