a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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