Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have aggressive nipples.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
