is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
